


Irish Coffee

by Ja_Levi



Series: Dysfunctional but it works [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avenger Loki (Marvel), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ja_Levi/pseuds/Ja_Levi
Summary: Loki is so tired of the abandonment. He's so tired of being second best. He's so tired of wanting to feel validation from someone who takes and never gives back anything.And he just wants a promise that everything will be okay.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Dysfunctional but it works [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883170
Kudos: 51





	Irish Coffee

Tears roll down the side of his face as he leans against his back against his bed chamber wall. The Statesman door closes and he slumps down to his knees as the dark veil of stars covers his room with tiny shimmerings of light. 

He's alone again, and he's alone once more. That's all he'll ever be. At least that's what Loki thinks to himself as he bites the inside of his cheek, restraining himself from sobbing out loud. There's no energy left inside of him as he falls into the ground, his face colliding with the cold metal beneath his body as his arms hang limp. He does nothing to shield his cheeks from the impact of the small drop forwards, his hands clenched into fists beside his waist now.

Standing at his brother's side all day while his former citizens replaced him without a moment's hesitation made him feel useless, unwanted. Unneeded, even. Why can't anyone just need him? Is he that unlovable? That hated?

For the past few years, he's just been trying to be good. He's been trying his best! Why can't anyone appreciate or even at least try and see that? Loki's teeth start to tear into his cheek harshly and before long an iron taste drips onto his tongue. A couple of whimpers catch in the back of his throat and more tears fall from his eyes.

His tears make a soft 'put, put,' sound as they hit the cold steel. When Loki breathes the steel fogs up slightly, telling the exhausted male that there is still life inside of him, no matter how dead and chilled he feels that he is inside.

It's quite easily to lose track of time when you're crying silently onto the floor of an empty room, which is on a ship that you've not yet explored. It's almost like a different timeline all together in that moment, and Loki can almost physically feel it as he begins to dissociate.

Within breaths he's feeling like he's seconds away from floating through the solid ground as if he's no more than a mere gas, as if he's no thicker, no heavier, no more than just air. No more than wasteful and poisonous carbon. No more than a breeze.

There's distant thuds of heavy footsteps as Loki remains slumped down against the hard floor. Before the trickster can even come back into his own mind the room door opens, letting artificial light flood into the dark spaces that were previously hidden by a blanket of deep shadows. 

Loki hears rough shuffling and a faint yet clearly vocalised sound of worry as the presence from behind him kneels down near him. Two arms approach him and wrap around him like strong tentacles, their strength soon being used so that the unidentified figure is now lifting him up off of the ground. The young God remains unresponsive as the person, or creature, or thing takes him to another room.

His eyes slip shut and he waits wearily in the arms of the unidentified being. It feels like hours before he's finally put down. Loki can feel himself being placed down onto a sofa of sorts and he slowly reopens his eyes. The trickster's ivy green eyes lock with one electrifyingly aqua eye and Loki feels his subconscious being thrust back into place, deep inside of his mind.

Once it properly clicks who the other person is, the adolescent God curls up on himself, almost as if to shield himself away from his brother. He's seen too much of him already today. He's been compared too much to him already today. He's be discarded by him too much today. He's been forgotten about too much today. Too much, in not enough time.

For the most part, there's silence. The only noises that fill the room is of the clinking of glasses, which make Loki assume that Thor is preparing drinks for them both. Before long a soft voice tells him to sit up. Reluctantly Loki obeys, keeping his gaze away from his brother. Once he's sat up a mug is placed within his hands. The smell of coffee surrounds him and he frowns a little bit.

He blows on the drink and he takes a small sip. He grimaces at the sweet taste and he stands up, carrying the cup towards a small table. There's a small glass vial with a clear liquid inside of it and Loki doesn't hesitant to add the liquid into his coffee. "That's vodka, dear brother," Thor says from his standing space next to the sofa. Loki grunts in acknowledgement.

Loki takes another sip of his drink and he closes his eyes, enjoying the literal burn of the drink on his tongue and enjoying the not so literal burn of the alcohol as it slips down his throat. Thor watches his little brother before he speaks once more. "You've been avoiding me this evening, brother. Tell me what's on your mind."

Reopening his eyes, Loki shoots a glare towards Thor. "I have been avoiding you for fair reason. I have spent all day around you and I went to find some peace, yet you came to steal that from me. How greedy for attention are you, Odinson?" With a new frown on his face, Loki walks back towards the couch. "What do you want from me? You've taken my people. You've taken my title. I have no allies left. So what do you want from me?"

Patting the sofa arm, Thor sits down and he gives Loki a soft look. Hesitantly, Loki sits down, nursing his drink carefully. "I want to discuss something with you. Back on Sakkar, before we came back to Asgard, we were having a conversation. At first, I thought that I knew you, and in some ways I do. However, I don't think I know you as well as I think. You are as much as a mystery as you always have been to me, brother."

Loki grunts, sipping more of his coffee before he moves the drink away from his lips. "How tragic for you," Loki spits harshly. Sighing, Thor brushes past Loki's hostile behaviour, seemingly set on just trying to talk this (whatever 'this' is) out. "Little One, please. Can we just talk without one of us being angry? When one of us is angry things get ugly. I don't want to make you cry, and you don't want me to make you cry. So let's just play nice and talk about it."

A seething annoyance fills Loki and he grips his mug harshly, his knuckles going white at the action. "Play nice, brother? Play 'nice'? Why should I play nice for you when you have not been nice to me?"

Thor blinks, confused and a little bit numb. "What do you mean, Loki? How have I not been nice to you?" Loki downs the rest of his coffee before he places up a hand, signalling 'one moment' as he begins to stand up. He walks back towards the small table with the vial and he pours the rest of the vodka into his mug. Glancing around the room (which is another bedroom in fact), Loki finds the kettle that Thor must have used not so long ago for their brews.

Loki wonders why Thor isn't speaking until he remembers that it's his turn to talk, and after all he did tell Thor to wait for a little while. Placing down the mug with vodka by the kettle, Loki begins to talk, his voice low and husky with the tell tale sign of being tipsy. The hint of dizzy is clearly lacing his words as he speaks.

"Let's see. You left me on that dead, ashy, elf graveyard of a planet, because Midgard and your dear mortal were deemed more important than I. Don't even bring up the fact that you leaving me there meant I could have hatched my plan, the abandonment still hurts. It always fucking hurts. Every single time that you left me, it hurt. You didn't visit me once when I was rotting in that cell back at home, and you did not for a single moment come to mourn our mother's death with me. No, you only came to find me so I could help you and that Earth wench."

Thor stays silent as Loki begins to rant. Loki begins to add coffee and hot water to his vodka mug. He blows on it before taking a small sip. Clearing his throat, Loki continues. "And then, and then we land on Sakkar a few years later, or something like that. Time has been a mess recently. Anyway, that's not the point. I get myself a good fuck buddy on Sakkar, and then you show up to ruin it all! You got angry at me for giving your father peace!"

"We were meant to stay by each other's side, we were meant to fight together! You only wanted my help to destroy our sister, for my trickery, not because I was your brother and you loved me! Not because you wanted me, but because you needed to use me! You throw me into guards, and you trick me! Then you zap me, and then you rule over my citizens! You, Odinson, are an asshole. And I hate you. I," he says, a hint of a slur now in his voice, "fucking hate you."

Raising the mug to his lips, Loki parts his lips to swallow the alcoholic coffee. He grimaces at the bitterness this time around, having not added sugar. He closes his eyes for the third time this evening and he feels them sting. Slowly, Loki reopens his eyes, tears brimming in them once again. "Fuck," he mutters, angry at his own weak hold over his emotions. The trickster feels a presence in front of him and he looks at his brother, who has moved from the couch to stand next to him.

Arms go to wrap around him but he flinches and he drinks his coffee with another grimace. "Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me," Loki hisses, his tears feeling like fire as they burn his skin and beg to fall. "Brother, let me make amends with you. Please don't let us drift apart like before. I can't lose you, not after everything, not as well. Loki, please."

Flames of spite are now flickering inside of his glossy eyes and Loki grits his teeth, which are now slightly stained with a faint yellow from his drink. "You have already lost me. You lost me years ago! You lost me when you replaced me with your mortal! I have been lost time and time again, and I shall not let you get the chance to discard me again, to abandon me again, to lose me again! You have lost me, and there is only yourself to blame!"

Heartache is all that Thor can feel as he notices how Loki's shoulders start to tremble. He notices how Loki's bottom lip begins to wobble. He notices how Loki finally lets himself cry. A sincere look of regret covers Thor's face and he goes to speak. Unfortunately before he can utter a word, Loki's hands clam up and his mug slips from his fingers before it shatters when it lands on the floor.

Sobs leave Loki's throat like strained gulps and his cheeks are now sheen with wet. Thor goes to hug Loki but Loki only backs away until his hip catches on the corner of the table and he stumbles to the floor, landing on his ankle awkwardly. The trickster covers his mouth in a pathetic attempt to silence his crying and he only cries harder when his efforts do nothing to help him.

Kneeling down next to the other, Thor places his hand on the top of Loki's head, his finger tips slipping into the black locks before stroking through them softly. "Brother, you must take a breath. Please calm yourself, I'm here. I'm here, Little One." Loki's sobs only seem to grow louder as Thor tries to comfort him and Thor only frowns, feeling lost on how to help.

Thor keeps running his hand through Loki's hair and Loki begins to thrash, his hand slipping away from his mouth as tears and drool gather at the bottom of his face. "Stop touching me, st-st-op, stop!" Loki hiccups and his eyes look tired yet still angry. Thor only moves his other hand towards Loki's face, using his sleeve to clean up the tears and the drool. "Sh, Little One. It's going to be alright. Just know that I am sorry. I am so, so truly sorry."

Loki keeps trying to push Thor away but eventually he just gives up. He grows too tired to keep fighting against the physical affection. He slumps weakly, flinching every now and again as Thor keeps stroking his hair. "I'm...a mess," Loki whispers, more tears tracing down his cheeks. Leaning closer to his brother, Thor rests his chin upon Loki's head. "And that's okay, brother. We're okay. Do you trust me?"

Sniffling, Loki shrugs, his limbs feeling heavy as Thor pulls away and coaxes him to stand on his feet. "No," he responds honestly. Guilt bites at him as Thor leads him over to the large bed that's in the far corner of the room. He feels like his response might have been too harsh, despite it being the truth, so he goes quiet. There's silence as Thor places him onto the mattress before covering him with the duvet. Thor hums quietly before he replies to Loki's cold answer.

"And that's okay too. You don't have to trust me. I don't deserve it yet. I have left you alone to suffer great isolation, when you have had no one else to comfort your loneliness, so your feelings are justified. But I will win back that trust one day, and one day you'll believe it when I say that it'll be alright for you. I'll make the universe safe and sound for you."

Weary and exhausted by expressing emotions that he's repressed for so long, Loki glances up at his brother, still crying but it's a lot less messy now. He listens as Thor keeps talking to him, cooing him into slumber. "The world will be safe and sound for you, for us. I'll make it so. I'll make the clouds part and the sun shine. It will shine on us again, Little One. One day. But for now, rest. You won't be alone when you awake. I'll be here, right by your side. As it always should be."

Closing his eyes, Loki whispers faintly. "Don't leave my side. Please. Don't make me feel alone again. I can't take it when you leave." Shushing the other, Thor leans down to nuzzle his nose into Loki's hair before he kisses his brother's forehead. A nostalgic feeling fills Loki, and it reminds him of his mother, and how she would comfort him, a long century ago. It makes Loki tense up and almost reopen his eyes, but Thor just shushes him gently. "I won't ever leave again. Now rest. I shall see you when you awaken."

Loki finally relaxes, allowing sleep to thunder over him. It comes in waves and it crashes down on him heavily. It's a peaceful thunderstorm and when it ceases, and when he wakes up, Thor is on his knees next to the bed, asleep and holding one of his hands. The smell of coffee and vodka lingers in the air from the night before and all that Loki can feel in this moment is tranquil. He also feels a headache coming on but for now he closes his eyes again, taking in the domestication. It's all he's ever wanted.


End file.
